Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
