Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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