Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
