found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
