She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
