My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
