So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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