Your mouth is God's brothel.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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