somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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