I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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