SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
