She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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