yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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