My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
