Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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