when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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