I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize