I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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