Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found puke in my bra..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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