all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
