glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize