my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
