legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
