Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
