you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
