somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Randomize
