Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
