They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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