from now on my penis is your penis
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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