Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
