I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
