mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
