I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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