Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
