Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish you could order shots online.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
