1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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