I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize