Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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