I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I could fuck to npr.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
