your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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