Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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