Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
