Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize