omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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