You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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