Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
