i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
