I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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