She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Come on in and take your pants off
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