He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
