i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
