were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
