LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
