i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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