I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
