my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
