Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
