i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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