Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
