Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
