thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she smelled like a LAN party
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
