I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
