my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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