I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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