If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
