im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Are my feet made of real feet?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
