love makes seman taste better
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
how drunk are you?
Several
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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