If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
