Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
