Where did you get a picture of my penis
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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