my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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