Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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