Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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