I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize