dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
