On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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