she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
