why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
