Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
