So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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