I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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