Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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