They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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