we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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