How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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