dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
