remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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