She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
