What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
