he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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