I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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