there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize