It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
