he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
