nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
