can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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