I wish I could teleport
i just had sex bonerless
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
