So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
