the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
