Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
