you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
