giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
