I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
