Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
