we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
