glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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